Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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