Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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