Will you blow on my dice?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize