R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
