so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
