i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You ruined the universe
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
