i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
