addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
