its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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