Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
