I think I died a long time ago.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
