and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
