Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
