Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
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you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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