captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
