Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
