then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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