True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
