well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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