apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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