Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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