I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
True college students do jello shots in the library
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
