just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
