i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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