dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize