Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
