"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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