I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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