people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
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I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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