Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
