So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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