kristin has been a bad kristin
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
