and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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