why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent