did you get engaged???
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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