Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
