I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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