Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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