Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
