How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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