Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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