Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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