Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
