Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Two words: blizzard sex
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I did not marry a roomba.
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