i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You can't motorboat a personality
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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