when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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