oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
