He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
