a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
