Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
