you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
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hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
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oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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