im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
