he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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