Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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