His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just found puke in my bra..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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