i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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