Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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