and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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