I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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