my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
