Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
