why didn't you poke me back
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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